Friday, 28 August 2015

10mg dose, 1st session.

So I've been fairly nervous but not as bad as I thought I would be. The video above shows some of how I was feeling that morning. I'm glad I decided to stay at the hospital rather than schlep across London during rush-hour. I really do trust the study team. The dry run really helped and the room was very nice. The video above shows some of the setting but it's a little dark. I met Robin at 9am, had a banana, did a small questionnaire then went into the room. It was beautifully laid out with a few little extras. I felt some gratitude as Robin showed me the laser ambient lights (I was thinking how nice something like that would be when I saw the room the last time) and the aroma machine for the essential oils.

At 10:30am I was given the small bowl to take the two capsules from. I took these with water and started to relax. The music was lovely and it seemed to start working really quickly. I noticed small lights when I closed my eyes, like little rips in the blackness. They seemed like Sanskrit text. The light would be bright then dim to the point where I could see the symbol before fading out and repeating. Over and over, gently. I didn't feel any change in myself at this point but knew it had started. For some reason I gave a running commentary on what was happening as it happened for a while before being encouraged to go within. Mark and David anchored me. The music was amazing. It was all about vibrational change, I felt the room get colder and then the space opened up. Even though I couldn't see the room as I was lying down with eye-shades. It felt as if my body temperature was dropping and the room or the space in the room had expanded.

I felt like I was moving slightly out of my body as I changed frequency. I know that sounds weird but it really fits to how it felt. I started to see the geometrics I'd heard about but in a subdued darkness, like it was organising itself before revealing the full colour. Slowly it emerged and got brighter, quicker and more turbulent. At its most colourful I saw an Indian god "look in on me" like a parent looking over a baby's crib. It was very brief but it was very clear. There was only one time when I didn't like the music at all. I felt it would be more trouble to move around. I did need to use the loo at one point but went back "in" with no problem. Even though this was the lower dose quite a lot happened. I felt fine and I had a few little previews of the power and simplicity that this state/place has to reduce problems or issues down to an very simple "knowing" and understanding.

As it wore off I talked to Robin, David and Mark and then went back "in" and then would take out the earphones and talk some more. Eventually around 4pm I had started to feel OK again and we talked some more about what had happened and the effects as well as preparing to leave. I answered some more questionnaires relating to the experience, had something to eat and a cab was ordered to take me home. From the cab I spotted a mural by Spitalfields market that really spoke to me and seemed significant to the experience I just had with Psilocybin and the eyes that "checked in on me".

I felt very grateful for the care and all the obvious work that had gone into making me comfortable and creating a warm and beautiful setting with amazing music. I went out for dinner that evening with Chris and spoke to Anthea on the phone. Anthea said I sounded very calm and Chris mentioned that I seemed calmer and more positive over dinner. Robin gave me some of the cut flowers to take home which has helped keep me centred on this as I think of the "trip" each time I see them. They still looked amazingly vibrant and alive later that evening.

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